"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets."

"That's it baby, when you got it, flaunt it."

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."

"Humans live best when each has his place, when each knows where he belongs in the scheme of things. Destroy the place and destroy the person."

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr."

"When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two, I didn't like it, I didn't inhale it, and never tried it again."

"To write simply is as difficult as to be good."

"To believe blindly is to degenerate the human soul. Be an atheist if you want, but do not believe in anything unquestioningly."

"I shall despair. There is no creature loves me; And if I die no soul will pity me: And wherefore should they, since that I myself Find in myself no pity to myself?"